Connected by Loss: Can We Live Better?

Rights, responsibilities and more….

Four months Akshay…… we have coped raja…without a single ‘real’ channel of communication with you. If constant thoughts, dreams and silent conversations are considered ‘acceptable means of communication’, then of course, our channels have been hyperactive- haven’t they?! Know you will be proud of how we have managed so far. Takes me back to more thoughts…whenever I was stressed, you always knew and prodded….and when I shared those worries or fears, you always soothed me….it came so easily to you- to reach out and help anyone who was troubled anytime. In one particular conversation you said, ‘don’t worry mumma…. ….sab theek ho jayega….aap ek do din bad dekh lena…mujhe pata hai…..koi aisa problem nahin jo aap log handle nahin kar sakte…. motivate kar ke dekho…and you are strong…papa is strong….

Since 29th November 2016, we have been mustering not just our strength, but seeking strength from you too. None of us is as strong as you were raja- you showed us that quiet… kind… more mental than physical strength…..right since the day you were born…….and it stayed with you till the day you were forced to take that last breath among earthlings. When concerned folks call us to ask ‘how are you all’, we usually say ‘doing ok’. Yes, life goes on …as it must. Apart from accepting what is beyond our ability to change, also getting to realize how important it is to become more spiritual. To understand that keeping faith also means not questioning the almighty/the universe/the unseen power. Many questions have no clear answers anyway.

We keep getting invited to functions and events in your honour Akshay. Know that will make you smile in absolute glee….! I can picture that wonderful smile and twinkling eyes, the slight blush on those cute cheeks….and you saying ‘dekha…sab aapke bete ke baare mein kitne wonderful baatein kar rahen hain…khush toh mein hoon hi…..aap ka beta star ban gaya mumma! And you know what raja…. Satwik sent us a picture of his tattoo with a note that said: ‘Excited and emotional but thrilled to share my tattoo of our hero, Akshay’s signature! This is taken from a picture of Akshay’s notes: “Do it Akshay.” I love it dearly, live by it; and it will continue to give me good josh! Also, the act of scribbling self motivating autographs makes wonder if he was already rehearsing for the hero’s role.

Akshay, you are truly our biggest hero and brightest STAR.  Even your signature had a star and I noticed it only recently sweetheart…its just that now you are right up there…with all the other stars…and we still need time to get used to not being able to have you in our midst, in our home…in our arms.

Just yesterday Capt Tushar Mahajan’s father called from Udhampur…two parents connected over their beta’s. He said something so very important. ‘Woh jo kar gaye, hum toh kar nahi sakte. Lekin jo bhi humse ho sakega, hum bhi karenge. Apna farz nibhayenge’.

Those words took me on a chain of thought. While life is all about living…and there are so many ways to live…. how do we live better? This question was also in my last blog post and I did get many suggestions. Many of you asked me to keep writing…sharing thoughts and ‘inspiring the young’. For whatever my thoughts are worth, here is my take on ‘leaders and masqueraders.’

We live in the world’s largest democracy and as all our news channels remind us on a daily basis, our country guarantees freedom of speech and expression as a fundamental right. Does that really mean we make heroes of people, who by their ability to debate and influence, create a one sided narrative to support a divisive agenda? While millions of our  people who are engaged in passionate efforts of nation building are overlooked or under-appreciated, we have these ‘hijackers’ get prime time coverage, support from political parties, money without work and a fan following that is scary to say the least.

Politics in universities is more important than education it seems. So we have these young ‘leaders’ who continue to be ‘students’ at 30 plus with state support and without having contributed meaningfully at any level despite opportunity. instead of hard work and effort to complete their PhD on chosen topics, they have the ‘freedom’ to choose to organize and attend events on contentious issues like ‘Kashmir ki azadi and Bharat ki barbaadi’. And when confronted, either go underground or cunningly change their tune to ‘we are fighting for bhukmari se azadi, samantvaad se azadi ..etc etc. When they don’t have the courage to own up and stand by what they say and what they mean, can they ever be trusted? And for months and years, we have to put up with political drama played through these impersonators in student leader shoes.

Thousands of other young people who have leadership qualities backed by knowledge and skills in different fields, plus integrity and love for our country, and who can do so much for our people, sadly find no space in social and national discourse.

I would like to see more positive stories in the media. I don’t care what KK and UK are doing or not doing. The thought of their ilk leading the country in the near future, is to me a scary prospect.

Which brings me back to Akshay and his ilk who always put our country and people first. He and so many bright young people out there, who live their dreams and strive to make our country better, deserve much more appreciation and support. I would like to see more positive stories of young achievers to motivate and inspire our impressionable children. Innovators among farmers, doctors, teachers…caring activists and social workers, paramedics, lawyers…..entrepreneurs and businessmen with a heart to help through job creation and wealth distribution……brave soldiers who protect us without question and kind law enforcement authorities… many fields, so many good people.  To help our children choose a path towards progress in myriad fields, we need the best amongst us to be visible. What we do not want is a narrative to instigate young stone pelters to protect terrorists and have our braves defend us at the cost of their lives.

To live better, we must choose right. We must take a stand. We can either be a nation of cribbers- always finding fault and forever pointing fingers, or we can put in our best and encourage others to do their best. Duty and responsibility go hand in hand with freedom and rights.

We have lost Akshay but we are not willing to lose hope. We have no answers to many questions that trouble us and yet our faith is strong. We will do our best to be even better human beings and citizens. Jai Hind.

33 thoughts on “Connected by Loss: Can We Live Better?

  1. Very nice. Inspiring. It is because of people like you that our country is progressing. The weight of a billion plus carried by a few like you all. God Bless.


  2. Oh my…. What an inspiring write up… Such articles motivational real acts should be told to our young folks . Duty and responsibility towards the nation is limited only in our civics and political science text books. All of us should start thinking beyond this , come out and act … Young children should be motivated to be a good human being , a patriotic citizen and an exemplary leader. Schools and institutions should imbibe in them such qualities at the grass root level.. Heroes like major akshay are role models and their real act of courage
    Should definitely become a part of the curriculum.
    A heart rendering write-up. Love to all.


  3. Oh my god what a heart rendering write up.!
    Dedication, responsibility and duites of a citizen have become just a part of our civics and political science text books. We as felicitators should think beyond the text books and cultivate such qualities which must be imbibed right at the grass root level. I wish major Akshay’s and other heroes ‘ real life acts of bravery are a part of today’s curriculum. The young minds can learn a lot from their real courageous acts and become exemplary leaders in the days to come. Let’s hope and strive for a better tomorrow and let the great souls like major akshay be the guiding force to Kindle the minds of young and old….
    Once again always in our thoughts and thanks for such write ups which motivate us too….
    Live always


    • So nice of you to read and offer comments and suggestions Sandhya- thank you. If each of us can motivate and encourage a few others in our lifetime, we would have shouldered our responsibility to family, society, nation. Akshay and other selfless bravehearts would be honoured for having inspired us. Love to you. God bless your family


  4. Dear aunty,pata nahi kyun mujhe pichle do dino se aisa lag raha tha ki aap kuch likhoge aur aaj subh ko i saw your write up.In the last few days very early at dawn I saw a dream wherein I was telling someone ki “kisi apne ke jane ka gaam bahut gehra hota hai”,pata meine aisa kyu bola.Mujhe aapki write padhke har baar aisa lagta hai ki aap hum sabko yeh bol rahe ho ki karm sabse bada hai,u just inspire us to excel by writing about Maj.Akshay.Maj.Akshay really proved that will power is the biggest quality to do anything saach mein as said by him saab thik ho jata hai.Hope that we will try & learn to live better everyday.tkcr,god bless u all.


    • Love to you Lisa- tumhe jo lag raha tha, woh shaayad hamare beech telepathy tha …ya phir Akshay hum sab ko jod raha hai. I have no doubts you will live well and motivate others as well. Thank you for reading and responding. God bless you all.


  5. Amazing blog! Absolutely love your positive attitude. There is so much to learn from you itself. Thank u for sharing ur thoughts n memories wth us. Pls continue to do so . It gives me immense happiness just reading about Maj akshay. The picture that you have uploaded where Naina is looking at her dad’s pictures collage breaks my heart. I only can imagine what must be going thru your mind when u see her. I always pray to God to give your family all the strength to go through this journey of life. Lots of love !


    • Thank you Mitalee. Naina is also a great grief buster in our home- only a kid like her can be joyous and spread happiness. Despite missing her dad so much and not really understanding why she cant have him back, she in her own way has coped beautifully with Akshay’s loss while remembering him with a smile and blowing kisses to his pictures. Inspiration can come from kids too. Love and God bless you and your family. Take care.


      • It absolutely hurt to read your message about Naina. Such a cutie she is and so very young. Life is very brutal and unfair at times. 😦 God bless her always! Lots of love to her. Aunty, pls be strong always as you are!!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Four months and life moves on… so strange, so ironical and so paradoxical.. something that we could have never ever imagined is thrust upon us and we have to learn to survive.. and thrive.. a big salute to you and your family for finding positivity in this situation too.. sending love and hugs and spreading love inspite of the turmoil of emotions that must be troubling you.
    we cannot do much but just want to assure one more time that we are with you in your loss..
    lots of love to all in the family


    • True Ruchi…what we may never have imagined can be thrust upon us…as it has been. yes, we have to learn to survive and continue living as best as we can under the weight of such loss. Thank you so much for your support and love. Lots of love to you and God bless your family.


  7. Dear megna
    What an inspiring write up!!
    I have no words …
    May god bless your family special prayers for sangeetha and nainu


  8. Meghana, another wonderful write up from you and so very inspiring. Two things come to my mind, one, as many have said before, Akshay has bound us all to you in a magical thread of love admiration and respect which we all have for him and his amazing family. Second, your article reminds me so much of JFK ‘S famous speech in which he said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country”. If each of us in this country could do our little bit towards our nation, then the sacrifices of bravehearts like Akshay will not go in vain.
    Lots of love and hugs to all of you, specially Naina! Loved the video that you had posted of Akshay and her.


    • Thats really kind of you Gayatri- am just Akshay’s proud and sad mom and an individual with a mind of my own- hence writing what I feel. You all have been supporting and encouraging us and together, if we can do more for our country and our people, it will in a way be a tribute to our martyrs as well. Lots of love and take care.


  9. A Big salute…. to.. My Brave n sweet Aunty…. U are the mother of Real life hero n Big Star…..
    Missssing you Akshay


  10. All your write ups are very inspiring aunty.. and being an AF kid myself,I feel I connect with you.. Akshay and braves like him will continue to inspire generations. . His presence is always there with you…


  11. Namastey Meghna Ma’am,

    I can understand feeling of You, Girish Sir and Capt. Tushar’s Parents…but please have a note you and your ward’s were indomitable and inspiring many who are ready to lay their lives in the line of duty…
    This nation should understand pain of Martyr’s family when they hear incidents like JNU…. No worries Ma’am, We are here left out to take care of you all and this great nation.
    Please don’t feel alone… Miss you Major
    Jai Hind


    • You are all a blessing for our motherland Amit – and we know you will never let our nation down. Love and God bless you all. Thank you for your comforting words. Take care


  12. Hi Aunty,

    Gathered the courage to visit your blog after quite sometime. Somehow after the last post – I was shaken to bits. But like you mention life must go on & it does. Thanks for writing and staying connected with us.

    Lots of love,


  13. Hi aunty,

    Very inspiring piece. Thank you for inspiring me and millions every single day. Yes- we must take a stand , we must make choices – this defines who we are. We are here for a reason and we need to realise why and act on it. We have an obligation towards our brave soldiers who have sacrificed their lives for our freedom and this is why we need to question our actions and thoughts. Thank you again for being an inspiration. I hope to keep reading your blog. Love to you all.xx


    • Thank you Sindhu- its heartening to see young people like you who believe in taking responsibility and contributing towards our nation and our people. As far as honouring our brave soldiers is concerned, high time their selfless sacrifices are understood and respected. Lots of love to all of you. God bless


  14. Dear aunty,
    “Connected by Loss: Can we live better? Rights, responsibilities and more….a mother’s musings” is a thought provoking article and for some reason I felt this is exactly what has been in my mind as I get older in my life. The other day I was sharing my thoughts similar to your’s aunty, with my husband, dad and my cousin. “Has the world changed so drastically or do I realize it as I get older? ”I did question my dad for bringing me up to be a straight tree and expressed my frustration of fighting hard to survive in this society/ world with this attitude. And my dad’s reply was so true, “Straight trees grow with winds blowing against them”. He is a father and so should give the best advice to his daughter, isn’t it? Recently this has become the hot topic for discussion with my family and now I am extremely happy to meet people like you, aunty with same thoughts, feelings and values in life. Fake is very attractive and is available at cheap cost which draws people with cheap values in life causing all sorts of pain in the world and affecting the innocents. Not sure if this has become the rule of thumb for the survival of the fittest is this time. Martyr’s like Maj. Akshay and others need to be honoured and recognised for their magnanimous sacrifice. These honors and recognitions accompanied by your writing describing the noble life they had lived can be instrumental in bringing about the needed change by inspiring the young and realization in the old. So, please do continue to keep up the good writing aunty.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers always. Love to all of you.


    • Your dad is right Amritha- be proud to be a straight tree and not choosing to take the easier or fake short cut in life. We must at least try and leave a better world to future generations and then includes respecting and honouring those who are real hero’s role models. For too long might is right and money speaks has been the norm. My own hope is in many young people like you to lead and show the way. As Akshay has. Lots of love and god bless you all.


  15. Ma’am charan sparsh. Took me long time to came up ..

    To intellectuals .Philosophers , writers, and even researchers and pseudo nationals, I think can say lefties that’s what they are, highly qualified studied from main Govt Unies like JNU Jadhavpur actually should be Yadavpur but intellect with dialect,any way. Their merit of appreciation is very high . ..
    well,no country is perfect,no govt is perfect,no policy is perfect, and no constitution is perfect, because they are ManMade and they change with due course of time. So if anything good is done under these, not so perfect conditions is not ok and not normal according to ….intelligent intellectually right should I say lefties here ..
    However being intellectual they dig out what’s not ok and present and prove . Because they are very intelligent people . To be good, according to them,has to be super perfect cause that’s what research and philosophical people do.
    They see Indian PM Nehru made promise of plebiscite so do that, well that’s was a mistake according to me but intelligent intellectually right lefties.. no no shout in JNU .. .So should we be keep repeating mistakes .
    Not single shout for 7 Lakh Kashmiris displaced from their home in 1987 -1989. Which religion those Kashmiris belong to ? do they belong to lefties religion. O well lefties don’t follow religions. Am I right?
    Anyhow Indira Gandhi did so many good things but in politics many things go wrong as well. so shall we keep blaming her for wrong things . Well intelligently intellectual right lefties say no no that’s wrong support azgar guru o,well intentionally spelled wrong but lefties … show respect .
    Same with some surgery strikes . Deliberately written surgery, lefties can correct . O no show proof. Question own senior army commandment, who so ever serving man made constitutional rightes. Question own integrity. Well that’s what intellectuals or lef… do .
    So what’s the point to be in those uni or having those unies .
    Theory and practical situations are not same . It takes many practical repeats to prove theory . But same time lefties don’t agree and shouts In JNU and opportunists get there to grab votes . Journalists get the materials to run show business and debate starts on national TV .
    We love Mother India, There are bravehearts . They don’t show up they just do.

    mera Bharat Mahan .
    Jai Hind


    • They just do…..true. Thanks for expressing angst with clarity Lokesh. The world and all of us live on hope…and all we can do is our bit….. for what we believe in. Stay happy. God bless


  16. खुश् नसीबों को जहाँ मिलता हैं!
    आप वो माँ हैं, जिसे संसार में कुछ महान मिला हैं।
    Respect all soldiers &all Women.


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